As many of colleagues do at this point in our educational careers (ABD also known as All But Dissertation), I began to question if I had made the right decision.
Can I really do this (science) as a career? Am I good enough to make a living researching the health-related problem(s) of today's society? Are all the negative comments/opinions of my superiors/mentors/etc correct?
At any given moment of the day, at lest one of the a fore mentioned questions were running through my head. I would be remiss if I neglected to state that my ethnicity also came into play when 'soul-searching' pertaining to my career. Clearly, there are not many people of African decent in the field of infectious disease. There are even fewer African-Americans who are actually running their own laboratories. Even so, here I am....writing a dissertation while, concurrently, applying for postdoctoral fellowship-determined to be the exception to the 'proverbial' rule.
With every rejection letter or "I'm sorry. We can not accept you this year" email, a little piece of my determination evaporated. "Lord, are you trying to tell me to change course? Are all of these fellowship rejections suppose to be signs?"
Then, it happened. The email read as follows: " ....a record number of applicants applied to our prestigious fellowship this cycle and we are only able to extend interviews to approximately eight percent of our applicants. We are pleased to inform you that you have been selected to interview...." *Gasp*
Lord! This was the fellowship that I considered the "long shot." I just knew I would receive an "I'm sorry to inform you...." email from this national fellowship seeing as I had been denied access to some of the "less noted" fellowship-granting institutions.
Nothing had changed on my curriculum vitae. I had not published a Science or Nature peer-reviewed article between applying for this fellowship and the other fellowships from which I had received rejection letters. Nothing about my application package had 'drastically' changed but the 'attitude' toward my narrative and/or application had changed.
Thank God for his mercy. Thank God for his favor. Furthermore, thank God that his favor AIN'T favor!
Until Next Time,
NiNi
